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chrismessinafuckableleans:

Fuckable fountain lean
  • Kid: Yeah give me a pack of Marlboro Reds.
  • Cashier: Are you 18?
  • Kid: It's okay, they're a metaphor.

+ 69761

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lalondes:

humansofnewyork:

"So do you sell drugs?" "No I’m only five"

#sounds like something a drug dealer would say
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turkey-imported-from-maine:

firelorcl:

meladoodle:

i wanna be a reverse tooth fairy where i rob people and then scatter human teeth on their bed

a dentist

i dont know what your dentist is doing to you but i think you need to go to the police

+ 198595

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queenofthehive:

haave-you-met-ted:

thefrogman:

So this guy volunteers at the Olympics. He figures maybe he’ll get to see some amazing athletes doing athletic things. And then the fastest man alive gives him a fist bump.
Look at all that happy.

this is still my favourite thing on the internet

I still love this
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